I get bored easy.

Farewell for the afternoon, gang. Keep with updates at the official twitter.

Really?

I JUST SAW ALFONSO RIBEIRO!!!!! HE DID NOT DO THE CARLTON DANCE!!! MY LIFE IS NOT COMPLETE!!!! Saw him during the pro-am. Not in real life.

Pro-am.

It must be tough to be the announcer for a pro-am golf tournament. First, you announced a golf tournament on a weekend where there was a loaded major, and you weren't invited to announce said major. Secondly, none of the players in this event have anything to play for. Bragging rights? This should be a b-list celebrity only event. We have Jordan, Jerry Rice, and Romo. What if we had Andy Dick, Kathy Griffin, and Skeet Ulrich? Winner can pay their electric bill this month and still have enough left over to make it to their part time job at a supermarket at 6 pm.

Too close...

Would be nice to see some of these games go to extras. Tigers and Yankees are also tied late, heroics are always fun, no matter the team. I wonder if some of the Nats have second jobs. They play like they do baseball part-time.

Action!

Some tense moments around baseball Sunday, Indians/Mariners tied in the eighth, same with Reds/Brewers, and as far as the Nationals...wellllllll...down by nine. It aint over till its over, right? It's July, Washington. Sorry, but it's over.

What's Happ-nin?

J.A. Happ just weaseled his way out of a sick bases loaded no out jam in an afternoon where nothing is going right for the Marlins. Couple of tight games going on right now. Phils are DESTINED for the World Series. Who can stop them in 5/7 games? Maybe the Cards? Not when we get Halladay. In an absolutely SHOCKING turn of events, the USA/Canada women's soccer game is tied at zero. UN-FUCKING-REAL.

Imagine that.

The Marlins (who I didn't think were going to be around right now, see: my last post) are apparently getting a new stadium. Apparently, according to the announcers, in centerfield they are going to have what's supposed to look like a beach, except without the sand. Wait...really? Anyway, their stadium looks to be about 30 percent filled right now (and like 50 percent of that is Phils Phans). Where are they getting this money? Are their owners knocking off retirees' bingo games and stealing SS checks?

Cro-magnon.

If you had told me that the GEICO cavemen and lizard would still be around after all these years, I would have told you to go fuck your mother. The same statement applies for the following things/people: both pro Florida baseball teams, the MLS, the WNBA, Jamie Moyer, Tom Watson, Garfield movies, Glenn Beck, Tom Cruise, my job at Lucky Strike. Oh wait, that job isn't around anymore? Well...go fuck your mother.

Next!

Red Sox and Blue Jays, Jays up 2-1. Soon to be Philadelphia Phillie Roy Halladay is throwing a gem. I'm gonna be a very sad boy if all the hype swirling amounts to nothing. We haven't had a big name trade in quite some time. Tek, meanwhile threw a ball on a pickoff steal attempt that makes me think HE things Georghe Muresan was the second baseman.

Keep on Rolen....

Is it me, or does Scott Rolen look exhausted? He's had a rough injury filled career, and until they just showed him on TV, I wasn't sure he was still alive. I think he's just going through the motions until he can move on to the next stage of his life as Russell Crowe's stunt double.

Watson's collapse.

Watson shot a 7 on the third playoff hole and is about to finish one of the most depressing collapses i've ever seen. Stewart Cink holes it to win the Claret Jug. The Scots applaud his efforts. That's as exciting as I can make that. Time for baseball.

Tell us how you really feel...

One of the announcers has his tongue so far up Cink's ass he's tasting yesterday's dinner. "Man, he is just a pro, great athlete, amazing family man, jovial...". Alright, he's a great guy, but it should go both ways in all sports. If John Daly is in this playoff, are the announcers like "Yeah, I mean he got lucky all weekend...but he smokes, drinks, gambles, and rapes puppies. No one likes him, and the sport is terrible with him in it. What a fucking douche, Tom. What a douche. I mean, I wouldn't announce golf if he wasn't so bad that I felt the need to tell the world that he is really just a completely useless individual. I mean, fuck. Fuck that guy. Daly for bird!!!"

Pros/cons.

What I do like about golf is that you can hear whats going on on the course more often than not on the course. Players talking to caddies, cameras get close and pick up sound. They are now picking up Watson being pissed about the shit lie he's got in a pile of pillow stuffing. Knocked it about 30 feet and its still in the deep stuff. Imagine if you could get this close to a meeting on the mound at a baseball game? Imagine Beckett saying "Fine, Tito, take me out...But i'm headed to the State Street bathroom for a beer and a happy ending."

Par.

Cink needs to bury this par to answer Watson's par. He drains and keeps a one shot lead. Meanwhile, the Phillies just opened up an error-laden 4 run lead on the Marlins...their new pitcher drills the Hawaiian in the thigh to bring up Chase. Weird stat, Chase is 0-1 with an RBI by a HBP with bases loaded. Jennie Finch is hurling for the USA against the Aussies in the Kentucky Fried Chicken Try Our New Original Grilled Chicken. I would butter her biscuits while she ate my drumstick. Anyone? Anyone?

Cink leads early...

Weird course to play a major. I know its supposed to be difficult, but who wants to watch dudes make mistakes all weekend? Does anyone other than pros play this course? If so they probably have given up golf for life. Watson just shanked one well right of the green in an area that looks like Snuffalufagus' ball sack. Sweet out though within ten feet. Golf clap. Shhhhhh.

Noooooot yet...

Its like a little too early to start watching sports, when The Open is on commercial. No scores in most of the baseball games. Why is the Softball World Cup sponsored by KFC? That's a direct conflict of interests. Phils just end a threat. J.A. Happ looks good recently. Can't wait to see him in a Blue Jays uniform.

The Open Championship.

Cink birdies the 18th to tie Watson who just blew about 6-7 feet putt to force a playoff. Drama! That is just the beginning today, as we also have Phillies/Marlins, Red Sox (every baseball game...thanks free preview weekend), Tour De France (Stage 15, tape delay) Softball World Cup, and more. Stick around.