T.O. Double...

Todd:"I would take Greg Gumbel over Byrant Gumbel any day of the week."
Me:"What, like...in a fight?"

Day two...

Woot! Day two, cut short because I have to work tonight...but that's okay! Nothing wrong with that. Here are my picks today....Louisville, THE Ohio State, Utah, Wake Forest, Dayton, Kansas, USC, Michigan State, Marquette, Missouri, Pitt, Tennessee, Florida State, Xavier, Temple (homer pick, GO OWLS!) and Syracuse, which is the game we get nationally right now. They are playing Stephen F. Austin, and again with their coach who looks like he raped a murderer. Man, he is fucking sketchy. I think he might pickpocket me.

End game.

So the day peaked at about 330 during all the good games. Now none of the games are close. I have now given up on basketball for the night. Back here at noon tomorrow for the first half of games. Sadly, you won't have the added benefit of me getting hammered because I have to work tomorrow night. A great first day of college ball. Until tomorrow morning, kids...

Have I been drinking?

Yes. I'm 7 beers, 2 Jameson on the rocks, and 1 tall red bull and vodka deep. The word penetrate is used WAY too much during basketball coverage. You really want to use that word while two 10 hour upper 20's-aged immature drinkers have been at it all day? "You can never over-penetrate." That's from big Ray. Marysita has reappeared from the doldrums of the Powerhouse as Duke rolls up a ten point lead. WKU (Hilltoppers) are up on Illinois by 3 right now in the only game currently worth watching. It's falling off quickly, gang. Back in a flash.

Ray Ray Ray again...

"If you put a gun to my head, I could not point out on a map where Morgan State is." That's why they're down by ten.

Not so entertaining.

It turns out that all the night games are rather boring. Duke and OK are blowing out their low seeds. Binghamton, the America East champs, look like they might be a somewhat okay high school team in Canada. Why aren't they in the CBI?? That's right folks. There are THREE non-Big-Dance tournaments that you can make if you are awful. NIT, CBI, CIT. Look 'em up. Prepare to be massively disappointed. UCLA up four on The Commonwealth of Virginia. Man...the excitement just is not there right now. Especially not on the face of Kevin Broadus, the coach of the Binghamton Bears. No relation to Calvin Broadus, who you know as Snoop Dogg. He should give his last name brethren a call and have him...take care...of Duke, cause they won't.

Night games.

Waiting for Duke and Oklahoma now. Have I ever told you that I fucking despise Greg Paulus? Fuck I hate him and I hope Duke loses by ninety. McNeese from Gonzaga just threw down a MONSTER JAM and the Zags are on their way to round two. Second favorite play of the day...the first being the nasty hockey check in the Miss St./Washington game. Unreal action today. My least favorite play today? The dunk that the Zags just bricked. It was a white guy. Sorry, caucasoids.

Nail biting.

The comeback by Nova. American thought they could foul their way to victory...very sad indeed. Now you feel the wrath of the Wildcats. Meanwhile, the Akron Zips are tied up with the Zags...thus completing the possible 13-4 upset. Mary Miles, by the way, is disappointing me quite highly. The only girl here and she is really just shitting the bed.

Ray Ray "I've spent a lot of money getting pink in my life."

It never ends. I just lost another game...picked Clemson, Michigan wins. Fuck. My. Bracket. NOVA HAS PULLED AWAY!!!!! Bit of a scare, but that's okay. Nova owns. Night games coming soon, with two possible upset specials (VCU, and the Hilltoppers) coming up.

Wildcats crawling back?

Nova is slowly catching up to American but time is running out on the Cats as they are still down by ten. The Krauss has joined the Nova bandwagon. I have them in the Elite Eight and they will CRUSH my bracket with a loss. All the American Eagles have apparently been sucking Ray Allen's dick, cause they look pretty from three. Nova down six only.

Cold sweat...

American is up by ten. Ten. On Villanova. Villanova at home. American. Up by ten. Ten.

Halftime breaks...

Clemson is losing to Michigan in the Battle of Who Could Score Less, 27-24...Akron hangs with the Zags at 17, and the Longhorns are up on the Gophers at half. American can really shoot the rock. I did not know this coming in. I feel like someone should've warned me. Just because i'm rooting for Nova, newcomer and Powerhouse resident Marysita and also Ray Ray Ray are rooting for American. I, however...am anti-American. Fuck yeah. American still up by three, almost at the two minute warning.

Wildcats in a battle...

MY number 3 Villanova Wildcats are not really running away early from the American...Americans? Yeah I made that joke already, but where else could I go there. Welcome to the second half of the marathon, and i'm 6 for 8 so far today, with both my nine seeds having lost terribly. Michigan is close to Clemson, only up 2, same with Minnesota v Texas. Could all the games be good tonight? Doubtful. Akron has just opened against Gonzaga. They are...the Zips. The Akron Zips. American can't stop nailing threes. I'm a little worried. Is it showing? Fuck.

Correction.

Those teams were actually me and Krauss vs. Cassie and Ray Ray Ray, with Cass and Ray coming out on top. A sad outcome. Nova soon.

Ray Ray Ray...

"Hey, Steiny, wanna not try to foam in your girlfriend's face while I'm sitting right next to her?"

Cornhole...

Cassie and The Krauss defeated me and Ray Ray Ray 2 games to 1 at bags, crushing my self esteem. Meanwhile, the second half of Washington/Miss State has opened up. Is UConn good? Or was Chattanooga that bad? Bit of both. Be back for the Nova game. Wildcats, HOOOOOOOOOO!

By the way...

Apparently, someone during the Maryland/Cal game just got "lathered up" after hitting their first three. What was once a close game has now turned into a Maryland walkover. Almost time for some bags outside...a break is still necessary. P.S. I just started in on the Jameson.

Carpal tunnel.

It's real, kids. It can happen to you. Maryland and Cal is the only game worth watching right now...so i'm going to uhhh....you know, watch it. As it goes to halftime. Going on a break, be back at 6 for a first half wrap up.

The Mocs hang tough...

UConn looks alright at best right now, and can't quite pull away...oops, spoke too soon, A.J. Price has nailed two threes straight to go up by 10...and now a third one to go up by 13! Maryland vs. Cal is the best game...the Terrapins (those are turtles, apparently) are up by a mere one point as we're 5 minutes from the half. We let our mascot out of his cage for now...he needs to learn to be an adult for a little while.

Cast of characters...

Now tagging along on our fantastic voyage is The Krauss, Big Ray Ray Ray, and the T.O. Double as we get the UCONN game started against the Chattanooga Mocs. That's right...the Mocs. Oddly, Terrell Owens went to this college, and probably has a better J than any current Moc, though they are up by two. What's up with the high seeds today? Number of Fast and Furious ads, by the way, is up to three. Ugh. Someone must kill Vin Diesel.

Little stall...

If you like not having any option as to what you are watching, then it's definitely time you get on board with this Northern Iowa vs. Purdue game. UNC hasn't started yet, so this is the best we got right now. Currently, Northern Iowa is quite outmatched against the Purdue defense. By the way, they are the Panthers. In case you were wondering. Not to be confused with the Pitt Panthers. Those Panthers are...you know...good.

All is well.

Cal State got waaaaay too greedy late. They will lose after a solid effort. So ONE of my picks of the first three games will actually win and they were a 2-seed. What does that tell you about the rest of my potential bracket? Ugh.

Timeout, Memphis.

Memphis has taken a timeout because they are down six...SIX. They look terrible right now...hanging on by a thread. Meanwhile, in Greensboro, LSU just went up two and Butler takes a timeout. Why won't CBS pick up the Memphis game??? I'm reduced to watching it in the quality of "90's porn. Oooh, that pixel has a nipple." That's right from Ray's mouth.

The Setup.

On the left, Ray's computer. On the right, Steiny's. In the middle, the 55-60 inch rear projection HD MEGABEAST. You wish you were here. Cal State is shooting 54 percent right now. This might be the best game i've seen this year.

Two one-pointers...

Cal State?? UP BY ONE, NAILING THREES. I still think they will get the horn in a little bit. Meanwhile Butler has a lead, and are making me look better. Memphis ties it up. Two good games!!!!! It's a first! FEEL THE MADNESS!!!!

The CBS Widget.

Keep up with scores to your right. It's my CBS sports widget! It tells me that UNC is playing at 2:50pm. Good...for them. If Memphis loses today i'm going to have to re-do my bracket and put The Matadors as national champs. You heard it here first...CAL STATE NORTHRIDGE. Now on my douche nozzle list of the day, as if he wasn't already...Vin Diesel. Do I have to see a thousand Fast and Furious ads all day today?? Fuck, I might just give up. On life.

Coming back...

All this nonsense is OF COURSE just a distraction until we get down to the REAL game tonight with YOUR Villanova Wildcats taking on the 14-seed American University Foregone Conclusions. That's 7:20p tonight. Meanwhile Butler is just back from the break and they are within four. I can only imagine what ass-reaming is going on in the Memphis locker room right now. Calipari is a beast.

Almost halftime...

All three games are coming to the break right now, and the Matadors are only down TWO to Memphis! Upset in the making??? BYU is still shitting the bed. It's gotta be tough to satisfy multiple wives and play an early b-ball match. You didn't know? Yep. Mormons. Their nickname is the Cougars, which is what each player goes home to like 9 of every night. Its true! This is a picture of their point guard. He can drain the three...all three.

Background noise...

I definitely just heard one of the bands at the Memphis game playing Sexyback. I happen to know that JT likes the Tigers, so maybe it's some type of ass backwards tribute. Memphis is a one man wrecking crew right now. Not gonna lie, i'd let Justin wreck me in a game of one-on-one. He could totally bring my sexy back. Am I right, fellas? Anyone?

For Three!

Northridge is hanging tight with the Tigers, but Memphis has been bangin' threes...LSU didn't score for seven minutes but STILL leads Butler by seven. Make it four as Butler nails a three....make it seven again as LSU answers with a trey, and catch a foul to to the line. I'm not even bothering with the BYU/A&M game right now...at least the other two games are close. Aggies are up by 13. Cal State is MAKING MOVES! Only down by four! This just in...they are the Matadors. You have to believe that if this game is the picture above, then Memphis will eventually be the bull.

Memphis Tigers...

Down a little to the Cal St. Northridge....Northridges.Also coming up later, I will make fun of team nicknames. Now three games are going, and all three of my picks in these games are losing. BYU is getting dommed by Texas A&M, and even Memphis as mentioned, is down three early. Butler is turning out to be perhaps the worst first round team I've ever picked. Their team nickname is the Bulldogs. Holy fuck if that isn't optimistic.

My pick = Death knell.

So I, as seen in my previous post, picked Butler for the mini upset against LSU...and of course they come out like molasses and are already down nine with less than two minutes played. LSU is playing lights out defense. Clark Kellogg is a filthy whore, by the way. I feel like a lot of people will be added to my "filthy whore" list today. Ooooh, they made a free throw! 9-1, Tigers. Next game, please.

My picks...

TODAY: Butler, Memphis, BYU, Purdue, UNC, Maryland, UCONN, Washington, Texas, Clemson, Villanova, Gonzaga, Duke, Oklahoma, Illiois, UCLA. Documented. Final answer.

Beware the Madness of March...

And so it begins. 64 teams, 63 disappointments and excuses. I'm at the Powerhouse in Brighton, MA, soon to be joined by Ray Ray Ray and some type of alcoholic beverage. Butler vs. LSU is game one! Watch along with me, kids. Coming up: all my selections, drunken ramblings, overreaction to referee mistakes, and much much more. By the way, that's my pick to win it all...Tyler Doucheboro might be an unholy douche, but still the best in the country. Lawson might be hurt but...I picked them so, they will lose anyway. What the hell. I'm all done with this stupid March Madness. I never win anything.

Bulldogs vs. Volunteers

Possibly the game of the day on CBS, Miss St. vs. Tennessee. 8 seconds left, MSU shooting two hitting both, and Tennessee is about to get the ball back after the break. HEY! Seminoles! You fucking let me down. Way down. Down town.

AAAAAAAAND NOOWWWWW...

YOUR REIGNING AND DEFENDING...WORLD CHAMPIONS OF BASEBALL....THE 2009 PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES!!!!!!!! Chan Ho Park didn't allow a run today!!! Nice. By the way, the UTSA team nickname is the Roadrunners. Yep. The Roadrunners. Meep meep.

Lumberjack match!

UTSA can't hit a three to save their lives...looks like Stephen F. Austin might hang on with less than six to go. Florida State??? Make me proud, I picked you in an upset. All adrenaline, baby! Douglas is sitting right now, but FSU still looking good. OHHH Jon Scheyer is ice ice baby. Three ball. But FSU answers. ITS A BACK AND FORTH DONNYBROOK!

Too close for comfort.

Flyers still losing, and the Celtics are a little too close to the Bucks. Did Marbury play in Milwaukee? And by play in, I mean ruin. Tommy Heinsohn just said something along the lines of "keeping a guy between your knees"...it's a stretch but...you could make it sexual. Think about it.

This just in...

Apparently, there's a women's March Madness also. I'm not upset about the lack of media coverage...i'm just upset that ESPN could've shown me programming information I gave a shit about. The Stephen F. Austin coach looks like a serial killer OR a child molester...or both, combined. He looks like he may have molested a serial killer.

Stephen F. Austin?

Who was Stephen F. Austin? I hope he was a lumberjack, because that's their team nickname. And if he was a lumberjack, why did he have a college? The college named after him is up on UTSA (Texas-San Antonio) by two in the Southland final. I can't WAIT for one of these teams to live the dream of losing to a 2-seed (likely UConn). And just in case I didn't make it clear...don't ever watch Jon and Kate Plus 8. Seriously. Ugh. 8 kids.

Jon and Kate plus someone kill me.

I managed to click over to Jon and Kate Plus 8 on the Learning Channel. They will be on until 3am. Here's what I've learned. Fuck 8 eight kids. Thanks, Learning Channel. And Kate is kind of a bitch.

Flyers...losing.

My Flyers are down 1 to the Rangers. Celtics are about to tip. I really wish I could take credit for this picture, but I found it on Google. Classic. Lakers vs. Mavericks is on later too...but right now, i'm watching Cult Killer on MSNBC. You should try it. It's about uhhh...a uhhh...Cult...killer.

The Atlantic Coast Conference.

Let's go Noles! Two look alikes involved with this game...Mike Gminski looks like fatter Stephen King, and Jon Scheyer looks like young Rik Smits. And I hate Greg Paulus. UGH I hate Greg Paulus. Does he even start? Fuck I hate that guy. Fuck him. Look at him. Now say the words. Fuck you, Greg Paulus.

Gaying it up.

I'm not happy with ESPN's College GameDay selection of Let It Rock as a theme song. I got out of the homosexual rave scene years ago and that song just reeks to high hell of it. I don't need X to enjoy a collegiate basketball game. My picks today...Tennessee, Purdue, FLORIDA STATE UPSET (Duke is super weak), Flyers, Celtics. Lotsa tip-offs momentarily, Flyers tied with the NY Rangers at a goose egg. Bullies baby.

Jay Bilas.

I think i'm developing a man crush on Jay Bilas. He just oozes bracktetology appeal. Fuck you, Joe Lunardi. So unattractive. On GameDay right now the discussion is fairly heated, which makes me think today will be a good day. Flyers, Bruins, Celtics, Big Ten/ACC/SEC/Southland finals to make the dance, Japan vs. Cuba in the WBC, AND BRACKETOLOGY!!! MY BRACKET!!! CRAZY SUNDAY, coming up at 1pm. Rece Davis just said "chinks".