Oops!

Due to a DVR snafu, I missed Colin Farrell introduce Jeremy Renner, but it was probably like "Hey, ummm...I'm drunk...I was in S.W.A.T. with Jeremy Renner...uhhhh....That movie sucked."

Number three!!

Fisher Stevens (the guy who was the villain in Hackers) now has an Oscar...he would be behind Three 6 Mafia and MoNique. Three 6 Mafia is definitely the number one person, place, or thing that has an Oscar that probably shouldn't.

Where was Farrah?

I don't think they included Fawcett in the retrospective of people we forgot died last year. Good thing they got Brittany Murphy in there though. What's up with J-Lo's dress? There's an end table under there, or her ass has grown to the side. IT'S TO THE SIDE. LM: "Why is she faking her Puerto Rican accent??"

Shocking...

I'm kinda surprised Cameron didn't make his wife dress up like a Na'vi. Demi Moore is retarded. She found the fountain of youth in Cocoon, or she's been sliced more than Domino's Pizza.

MY FAVORITE PART OF THE SHOW!

When they take a not so super famous actress that's somewhat attractive, throw her in the nerd closet with 90 dudes who are all getting Oscars but can't stop gawking at Elizabeth Banks (this year)...also known as the Scientific/Technical awards, or as the first time most of those dudes left their mother's basements in 46 years.

Dear Kristen Stewart...

Maybe ou should try being alive when you read the prompter. You slept your way through your entire speech. I don't wanna take you out of your comfort zone, but you know....maybe...uhhh...what's the word....act...yeah. Act like you wanna be up there. Action!

Add her to the list...

Monique is right behind Three 6 Mafia on my two person list of People I Would Never Ever Expect to win an Oscar.

Pooh bear...

While the guy wins for Adapted Screenplay: "Oooh, let's show every black person in the crowd." - Lauren Mollomo

R.I.P. to a familiar face...

Ladies and gentlemen, today, at approximately 3:30pm pacific time, Zoe Saldana murdered and and skinned lovable children's McDonald's character Grimace. She then took his skin and fashioned it into the ugliest dress I ever wished I was colorblind for. Once again, Grimace...dead tonight, and fashioned...into eveningwear.

THAT'S A HUGE BITCH!

Is Matthew Broderick that small or is Molly Ringwald nineteen feet tall? She looks like redheaded Chyna. I think she had two sex changes, one to man, then a botched one back to woman. I am glad she took time off from her absolutely nothing at all to make an appearance. Same with Judd Nelson who looked like absolute shit. He looks like he's having the drug sweats.

Grosssssss...

Amanda Seyfried looks like a bug.

Bounty Hunter.

Someone needs to shoot Jennifer Aniston. Add The Bounty Hunter to my list of Movies I Can't Wait to not See. Gerard Butler is pulling a Ryan Leaf too, awesome in 300, and now pulling this fecal matter out of his ass. That movie is destined for a 7th place opening. If it opens higher than third, I will eat this computer. UP wins best animated feature, which I'm in favor of, because it's one of the two Oscar nominated films I actually saw this year. Did I mention that Avatar sucks?

Woody.

Woody Harrelson's mustache is a little creepy in the Messenger. He's really lining himself for the title role in Stone Cold Steve Austin's biopic. They'll make one. Guaranteed.

Oscars are cool.

Yeah, not bad this year. I'm like half an hour behind though, nobody ruin this for me. I really don't hope this turns into an Avatar ass-kiss-fest. Terrible film. Martin+Baldwin are decently funny.