Carpal tunnel.

It's real, kids. It can happen to you. Maryland and Cal is the only game worth watching right now...so i'm going to uhhh....you know, watch it. As it goes to halftime. Going on a break, be back at 6 for a first half wrap up.

The Mocs hang tough...

UConn looks alright at best right now, and can't quite pull away...oops, spoke too soon, A.J. Price has nailed two threes straight to go up by 10...and now a third one to go up by 13! Maryland vs. Cal is the best game...the Terrapins (those are turtles, apparently) are up by a mere one point as we're 5 minutes from the half. We let our mascot out of his cage for now...he needs to learn to be an adult for a little while.

Cast of characters...

Now tagging along on our fantastic voyage is The Krauss, Big Ray Ray Ray, and the T.O. Double as we get the UCONN game started against the Chattanooga Mocs. That's right...the Mocs. Oddly, Terrell Owens went to this college, and probably has a better J than any current Moc, though they are up by two. What's up with the high seeds today? Number of Fast and Furious ads, by the way, is up to three. Ugh. Someone must kill Vin Diesel.

Little stall...

If you like not having any option as to what you are watching, then it's definitely time you get on board with this Northern Iowa vs. Purdue game. UNC hasn't started yet, so this is the best we got right now. Currently, Northern Iowa is quite outmatched against the Purdue defense. By the way, they are the Panthers. In case you were wondering. Not to be confused with the Pitt Panthers. Those Panthers are...you know...good.

All is well.

Cal State got waaaaay too greedy late. They will lose after a solid effort. So ONE of my picks of the first three games will actually win and they were a 2-seed. What does that tell you about the rest of my potential bracket? Ugh.

Timeout, Memphis.

Memphis has taken a timeout because they are down six...SIX. They look terrible right now...hanging on by a thread. Meanwhile, in Greensboro, LSU just went up two and Butler takes a timeout. Why won't CBS pick up the Memphis game??? I'm reduced to watching it in the quality of "90's porn. Oooh, that pixel has a nipple." That's right from Ray's mouth.

The Setup.

On the left, Ray's computer. On the right, Steiny's. In the middle, the 55-60 inch rear projection HD MEGABEAST. You wish you were here. Cal State is shooting 54 percent right now. This might be the best game i've seen this year.

Two one-pointers...

Cal State?? UP BY ONE, NAILING THREES. I still think they will get the horn in a little bit. Meanwhile Butler has a lead, and are making me look better. Memphis ties it up. Two good games!!!!! It's a first! FEEL THE MADNESS!!!!

The CBS Widget.

Keep up with scores to your right. It's my CBS sports widget! It tells me that UNC is playing at 2:50pm. Good...for them. If Memphis loses today i'm going to have to re-do my bracket and put The Matadors as national champs. You heard it here first...CAL STATE NORTHRIDGE. Now on my douche nozzle list of the day, as if he wasn't already...Vin Diesel. Do I have to see a thousand Fast and Furious ads all day today?? Fuck, I might just give up. On life.

Coming back...

All this nonsense is OF COURSE just a distraction until we get down to the REAL game tonight with YOUR Villanova Wildcats taking on the 14-seed American University Foregone Conclusions. That's 7:20p tonight. Meanwhile Butler is just back from the break and they are within four. I can only imagine what ass-reaming is going on in the Memphis locker room right now. Calipari is a beast.

Almost halftime...

All three games are coming to the break right now, and the Matadors are only down TWO to Memphis! Upset in the making??? BYU is still shitting the bed. It's gotta be tough to satisfy multiple wives and play an early b-ball match. You didn't know? Yep. Mormons. Their nickname is the Cougars, which is what each player goes home to like 9 of every night. Its true! This is a picture of their point guard. He can drain the three...all three.

Background noise...

I definitely just heard one of the bands at the Memphis game playing Sexyback. I happen to know that JT likes the Tigers, so maybe it's some type of ass backwards tribute. Memphis is a one man wrecking crew right now. Not gonna lie, i'd let Justin wreck me in a game of one-on-one. He could totally bring my sexy back. Am I right, fellas? Anyone?

For Three!

Northridge is hanging tight with the Tigers, but Memphis has been bangin' threes...LSU didn't score for seven minutes but STILL leads Butler by seven. Make it four as Butler nails a three....make it seven again as LSU answers with a trey, and catch a foul to to the line. I'm not even bothering with the BYU/A&M game right now...at least the other two games are close. Aggies are up by 13. Cal State is MAKING MOVES! Only down by four! This just in...they are the Matadors. You have to believe that if this game is the picture above, then Memphis will eventually be the bull.

Memphis Tigers...

Down a little to the Cal St. Northridge....Northridges.Also coming up later, I will make fun of team nicknames. Now three games are going, and all three of my picks in these games are losing. BYU is getting dommed by Texas A&M, and even Memphis as mentioned, is down three early. Butler is turning out to be perhaps the worst first round team I've ever picked. Their team nickname is the Bulldogs. Holy fuck if that isn't optimistic.